Wrong

In the past two years, many things have caused me to reflect on how I have been in my life. My actions, words, and character are things I have questioned myself on why I react the way I do to something, why I take things so personally, and why I act as if everything is okay when it is not.

In reflecting, there are things that I have noticed about myself that I honestly don’t like. To be straightforward and completely honest, I hate being wrong. I have always hated it. No matter what I am wrong about, I always have a reason and a point as to why I am right. This has been something that I have noticed about myself in recent times. For as long as I can remember, people have always told me that I always think I am right with things, causing me to deflect and deny it. When the fact is, it’s true. I know it is true. If I am honest, it’s not 100% true (sounds confusing, I know). I put a façade on to troll and annoy those closest to me. With that façade, I must always be correct to be extra on things no matter how stupid I sound.

I don’t like being told anything about myself by anyone. It could be from someone I know who is doing it out of kindness. When people point things out about me, especially things that I already know, it hurts and causes me to put a protective and defensive wall up.

In the past two years since the pandemic started, I have had the chance to learn a lot about myself. I have learnt a lot more about myself since writing and posting what I have written. Writing these pieces has left me in my most vulnerable state. A state where I am open to questions from those reading my pieces, a state where people can read my true thoughts and feelings about things. A state that I still find myself struggling to understand. I’ve learnt what I like and dislike about myself. What I want to change about myself and what I need to work on personally.

Something like a Pandemic causes life to come at you in multiple directions. Reality strikes, and you reflect on things in your life. It allows you to sit down and think about life, enabling you to discover what you truly want from life. It makes you face the harsh realities within yourself that you downplay and ignore.

Doing this has caused me to finally be open and say that there was a period in my life where I was just coasting and taking every day as it comes, one day at a time, with no plan or idea of what to do. I was floating for many years of my life. In a way, I still am, but now I am aware of it and have a plan of action to tackle everything I want to achieve.

I am at a stage where I am learning now more than ever did when I was growing up—learning more now than when I was in education. I am growing more mentally and emotionally to the point where I can express myself and have conversations about things that I would never have before. To get to this point, I can say that I am not always right.

To understand what it truly means to be wrong and not always right, I had to take it back to basics; I had to research the meaning and the definitions of the term ‘wrong; is.

What does it mean to be wrong?

• Not correct or accurate; incorrect
• Unjust, dishonest, or immoral
• In an unsuitable or undesirable manner or direction

There are multiple definitions of what the word wrong means. With each meaning, I realised I resonated and had been wrong through each one.

For as long as I can remember, I have always struggled with admitting when I am wrong with things. It could be any situation or scenario; whether it is a debate, banter, a discussion on serious topics, or anything in general, I must always be correct. As stupid as it sounds, I used to believe that everything I said was right, even with proof given to prove me wrong. 

I used to have a childish mindset that being wrong was never in my nature, that I couldn’t be wrong. I didn’t care if I sounded stupid trying to prove how right I was. There were times when I would be completely wrong, but I would be ignorant and arrogant to anyone trying to tell me otherwise.

Looking back at how long I have hated being wrong, I believe it has stemmed from being the youngest child in my household. The child that always finds things out last, the one where you are, and always be seen as the baby in the family. Being the youngest, I have always felt like I have had to be extra to be seen or heard, constantly proving myself in all aspects to be seen as an equal. Being right had become an automatic thing for me while at home.

I have been working on myself. Upon doing this, I have realised that this characteristic that I have could be detrimental to my ability to be able to develop as a person and to grow in life. I always need to prove that I am aright and always need to prove everyone wrong. This happens with nearly every situation I am in. I will flat out tell you you’re wrong with full-on confidence; even when I know that I could be wrong in the situation. It is a terrible habit and an even worse character trait

I never paid attention to how often I had to be correct; it was naturally an automatic thing for me; it would roll off my tongue; it was second nature. If I knew that I was right, nothing would stop me from showing any type of proof. I would provide screenshots, look up definitions of things, do research, and the list goes on. I would let it sit a fester within myself, and I would come back days later with proof; just to prove people wrong. I was dedicated to the act of always having to be right.

I feel like this has gotten worse over the years, especially since I have been out of further education, wherein a sense, real-life truly comes at you. Situations occur where your action genuinely define you as a person. I can wholeheartedly say that my actions and reactions to things have been childish and wrong. The pettiness I used to handle things with would drive me to think I was right with my actions when I wasn’t.

As I have gotten older, I know that being wrong is okay. There is nothing wrong with it. I would even say that being is wrong is better than being right; it is an opportunity to learn from things, learn the correct answer to help you to develop and progress in life. I used to hate asking question. I believed every question that I asked would be the wrong question and wouldn’t bother asking so that I didn’t have to feel like I was wrong in any way.

I have learnt not to be afraid to ask questions anymore, in any scenario. I can’t be afraid to ask for help with things. To go to people for advice, asking their opinion on things, when I know there’s a chance of me being wrong with my actions. You can’t help those who don’t help themselves. A new way I have found of helping myself is to learn to admit where I am wrong. Learning to not always think that I am right.

That is why I am writing this, because I can finally admit that I am not always right. I know that I am not. I know that it is okay to be wrong. In life, we learn from our mistakes, we learn from our wrongdoings and those lessons, it leaves room for us all to grow mentally, to be a better person.