The past can be a thing of good and bad. Everyone has a past, and everyone’s past defines them. What I mean by defining them is that everything a person has been through has made them who they are today – no matter what it may be or who they are.
I say that the past can be good and bad because people have an unhealthy relationship with the past and can never let the past go. I can fully admit that I used to be one of those people, and sometimes, I still have problems with it. I have been there. I used to hold onto things from my past that affected me. My term of letting go of the past is holding onto times when I felt that people had done and hurt me wrong.
You see, many things people hold onto from their past are down to the hurt and pain they felt. Something that could be minor to me could be something deep to someone else – so that is why the way everyone deals with their past is different.
I am still working on it, and I know I am not the best person to say let go of the past. I am, however, the best person who can act as if everything is fine despite how I feel internally. This has been a detriment because I learned to mask things rather than speak about them with people. People I had issues with, I would distance myself from them and move forward on my own rather than communicating my issues. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve done this, and it has affected my relationships with people because of it. I still try to work on this.
Holding onto things and times when I felt I was done wrong has affected many relationships with people in my life, including friends and family. Sometimes, I think I have to let go of situations that occurred with those in my life, and then something will trigger feelings and memories from the past that will bring me back to square one.
Holding onto your past or former self is the main thing holding you back from everything in your future. I genuinely believe this. You may not be the person you once thought was your best self – and that is for a reason. The person you are now has learned and grown from what made you who you are today.
I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t miss my former self or how I used to be – as I always say, I am human, so there is going to be a part of me that will miss that version of myself. But I also know that my current self is the best version of Tyrell that there has ever been – no matter what flaws I have or how much older I have gotten. My experiences and knowledge have enabled me to better myself in many ways.
If I were given a choice to change anything that has happened, I would choose not to. If you asked me this a few years ago, I would have jumped at the chance to. That was down to the self-hate I had for myself, the disbelief I had in anything I did, and it was down to being low in all aspects of my life. But, with time, you begin to realise who you are as a human, a person, and a man. I am happy with who I am today, and changing the past will only create a different version of myself that I may not like or love.
I am guilty of telling people to let go of the past and have been told ‘you’re one to talk’ – which is pure facts. My brother is one of the people who has told me often that I need to let things go and not hold grudges over things. It took a while for me to listen and understand rather than get defensive.
Letting go of things is not an easy thing to do; letting go of the things that probably have caused you trauma but it is something that has to be done. Holding on to your hurt your grudges, holds you back from embracing your future.
I want to end this by saying to live in the present, embrace where your future is heading and be at peace with the past. Your past has made you who you are.