A lot of the problems I have is down to poor communication with most people in my life, and I can’t communicate with people properly. Rather than trying to articulate myself properly or explaining how I prefer to communicate, I just shut down and become closed off so that I won’t have to speak or get flustered while talking.

I avoid communication as much as possible, whether in person or over the phone. I wouldn’t say I like communication that requires me to speak. I am not the most articulate person in the world, which is a significant part of why I wouldn’t say I like communicating with people. I would instead message someone than speak to them in person or via the phone. This has been a big problem for me for as long as I can remember, especially for the last five years or so for me.

I get frustrated when I speak because I find it hard to get my words together and articulate myself correctly. I have a million thoughts of what to say going through my head, and they’re all trying to come out at once. When this occurs, it causes me to stutter and speak ultra-fast to the point that people cannot hear what I am saying.

I am told I always have a lot to say, but I say nothing in the same breath. Whenever I am told this, my automatic response is to take offence and get defensive because I know what I am saying and that whatever I say means something to me. I usually hear it from those closest to me whenever a discussion, debate or argument occurs. Once I started to think about what they meant by that, I realised and understood why they said it and what they said and what they meant by it. Because I find it hard to gather my thoughts and respond to things appropriately, whenever I speak in person, I don’t necessarily make sense. To keep it straightforward, I am a professional blagger; I blag my way through a conversation to think of a better reply.

What does Communication mean?

  • The imparting or exchanging of information by speaking, writing or using some other medium.

My best form of communication is writing; I love to write – if I could write and respond to everyone via writing, my life would be much easier. There have been times when I am in mid-conversation on the phone and would abruptly end it to continue via text so that I can write everything out correctly. My thoughts are much clearer when I write them out, whether it is longhand, into a word document or a simple text message – 9 times out of 10, I am going to communicate via writing in some shape or form.

My communication isn’t the best for others, as I know it can be frustrating for those who try to speak to me in person. It hinders progression in many of my relationships with people as I know that ordinary people find it easier to communicate with their words, whereas I am the opposite.

There could be different reasons and excuses as to why I find it hard to communicate with people, but the truth is that I do not know. I’ve blamed it on my thyroid symptoms, stress, anxiety, etc. But do I truly understand why I find it hard? Not really.

I am the type of person who likes to be communicated with in a certain way, and I wouldn’t say I like being spoken to rudely or spoken down to. The best way to communicate with me is to be calm – if not, I get stressed and flustered, and I find it difficult to form words and sentences together, which can get annoying both for the person I am speaking to and me. A calm manner is key for me, whether in person or via the phone. The second I sense attitude or feel that it could get hostile or feel as if someone is being rude when speaking to me, I get overwhelmed and lose all sense of composure to articulate myself correctly – the stutter and ultra-fast speaking come into play.

I try to keep my composure when speaking in a scenario where emotions and feelings are heightened, but I can’t. I find it difficult to talk; it is plain and simple. It is something I need to work on. To progress and develop my need to communicate via writing needs to change; I need to adapt to progress as a person and in life. To do that, I need to force myself to be uncomfortable with speaking – talking things out with people, rather than run away and avoid them because I struggle to put words together that make sense.

I want to get better at both articulating myself and communicating with others. Should I read more? Should I stop avoiding conversing with people in person? Should I work on exercises that would better my confidence? All I know is that I need to do better – for myself and others around me. I can no longer avoid communicating with people as it will only affect myself in the long run.